Full story in Slate (3rd story down).
I like these two boys.
Admin Edit; Since this is a dear abby type editorial, I'm adding the content here.
Dear Care and Feeding,
My two boys (11 and 13) are excellent skiers. We have a vacation house near a ski mountain, so they have skied 30-40 days a year since they were very little. That means that when friends and relatives come to visit, typically the kids aren’t as experienced as mine. My boys will happily leave off from pursuing insane back-country antics with their local friends and accompany visitors on slopes of whatever level suits them.
Recently, a problem arose with their cousin (also 11, my nephew on my wife’s side). He’s a good kid, but like all kids, he has foibles: In his case, a certain amount of insecurity, perhaps especially related to his cousins, which can turn into boastfulness. He kept going on about how great a skier he was and complaining to my boys that they wouldn’t take him on “double-black” diamond terrain. (I’ve seen this pattern with other things, from chess to video games.) My oldest finally got exasperated and took him up to a lift that led to a terrifying-looking descent—though unbeknownst to my nephew, there was a somewhat hidden, easy way down. As soon as they got off the lift and my nephew got a look at the hard descent, he freaked out and began to bawl. My son let him go on for a few minutes before revealing that if this looked like it was beyond his “double-black” abilities, there was an easier way down.
My wife was annoyed with our son for playing this trick on his cousin. I disagree. They were gracious and patient with their cousin for a couple of days, putting up with his boasting and constant claims of wanting to hit harder terrain, until they tried the understandable and expedient tactic of calling his bluff. In response to my wife’s scolding, both my sons say that they don’t want to ski with their cousin the next time he comes. I think we should let this one slide if they agree to give their cousin another chance. What say you?
—That Went Downhill Fast
Dear Downhill,
I tend to agree with you. Your sons displayed patience until it became untenable, at which point, your oldest found a creative way to solve the issue. Is your wife upset at your son for scaring his cousin, or for putting the cousin in a situation where he might have skied down dangerous terrain? I think either of those are fair points to discuss—and a discussion, not any kind of punishment, is what’s called for here. Can his methods be improved? Sure, and your wife is free to suggest as much; on the other hand, he solved the problem for himself and without cruelty, from what it sounds like, which deserves acknowledgment as well.
And much like your son deserves the benefit of the doubt, your nephew deserves a second chance. Youth is the time for making mistakes and learning from them. Hopefully, everyone can let each other off the hook a bit, here.
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